Making a Resolution can help you focus after Divorce
Going Through a Divorce in the New Year? Make a Resolution to Help you through the Adjustment!
As we embrace the new year, changes are inevitable. Especially if you are going through a separation or divorce. For you this might be a time of loss and sadness. Also think of it as a time of the hope for a brighter, happier future. The key is in the mindset about how to act and think differently in the new year.
Typically, people make promises to exercise more, or eat a healthier way, or perhaps lose weight. Often these goals are made with good intentions and start off strong, but within a month or so are forgotten. It might be more meaningful and helpful, especially for someone going through divorce to focus on a philosophical position, and to work on changing their mindset.
Below please find some useful resolutions that perhaps will help you to adjust your thinking and actions during a difficult time such as divorce.
Make a resolution to forgive…
Forgive you might ask, after all I have gone through? When you can forgive your ex it doesn’t mean you want to reconnect. However, if you can find a way in yourself to forgive him or her, it helps you to let go of anger, grudges and blame. By finding a way to forgive, you are doing something for yourself. Forgiveness is a way of reprograming our thought and reaction process. By doing so, we are able to interact with the other person without dwelling on those old poisonous thoughts. Also forgive yourself for things that you may have done to contribute to the breakdown of the marriage.
Make a resolution to speak respectfully about your Ex…
Resolve to speak respectfully about your Ex. This is especially true if you share children. Speaking kindly about your former spouse to the children helps ease the emotional burden off of your children. You will be modeling healing and resilience.
Make a resolution to be kind to others…
Resolve to be kind to others. This doesn’t necessarily relate to your Ex although it can! Your outlook on life will be improved by reaching out to others. Just a smile or a kind word to a stranger can make a difference to them. It could be a give forward moment, like buying a stranger’s coffee in the line in front of you, or as simple as complementing someone on a great looking pair of shoes, or a reassuring comment in the grocery to the mom with a child having a meltdown moment at the check-out. When we practice feeling kind towards others, it helps to buoy our own spirits and makes us feel better about ourselves.
Make a resolution to be a good coparent…
If you are coparenting, resolve to be a good one. Remind yourself to be flexible when possible if you ex needs to adjust the schedule within reason. Remember, what goes around, comes around. Perhaps you will need an adjustment and if you are willing to cooperate and be flexible, hopefully your ex will be as well. Remember communicating clearly with your ex about the children their schedules and needs is so vital.
Make a resolution to be peaceful…
Resolve to be peaceful. When conversations between you and your ex-spouse start to take a negative turn, take a deep breath. As hard as it is, try not to turn conversations into a heated, ugly exchange. If the conversation is going south, agree to take a break, and come back and revisit the situation when you have both had a chance to calm down. Resist the urge to text back to a comment that makes you angry. Same thing with an email. Give yourself time to rethink exactly what you want to say. If you can present yourself in a calm manner, hopefully when you resume your communication it will result in a more productive one.
Make a resolution to look forward…
Shift your attention from the loss and pain you are experiencing from your divorce, to the opportunities that are in your future. Of course, it is natural to be consumed with anger, disappointment, sorrow, etc., but resolve to look forward to the future. Plan to create a vision of what you would like your new life to look like. Are there activities or interests you would like to explore? Perhaps find a support group, a club to join, or somewhere to volunteer. Look at this as a new chapter in your life, and make the most of it.
Make a resolution to be good to yourself…
Resolve to taking care of yourself. Often going through a divorce you are so focused on the procedure and dealing with the situation with your kids, you forget about taking care of yourself. It is not meant to be one of those new year’s resolutions that will be lost in the shuffle. Just the basics. Get enough sleep, follow a routine, eat, keep up with friends, and just try to maintain a healthy outlook on life. Be good to yourself!
Hopefully some of these tips will help you to take on this new chapter in your life and assist you to embrace your new situation.
Experienced, Trusted and Professional Dayton Divorce Lawyers
Our experienced Dayton divorce lawyers at Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues can assist you with your divorce or dissolution related issues. To learn more, please go to our website at www.hcmmlaw.com or call us at 937 293-2141. We can schedule an in-person conference or one by phone or Zoom. We look forward to assisting you!
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Attorney Robert “Chip” Mues has been focusing his legal practice throughout Southwest Ohio primarily in divorce and family law matters since 1978. Chip is passionate about family law and has proudly published the Ohio Family Law Blog since 2007. In addition, he is the managing partner of Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues. To learn more about him or the law firm, visit the firm’s website at www.hcmmlaw.com. Appointments are available in person, over the phone or by Zoom. Call us at 937 293-2141.
