Divorce with your spouse not going well? Good communication plays important role for a happier outcome
It would seem to go without saying, that good communication between a couple is an essential part of a good marriage. However, did you know that good communication between the two spouses is just as important when navigating the often turbulent waters during a divorce? As a married couple you may have had good communication, or perhaps your lack of communication was one of the reasons for the divorce.
No matter what has happened in the past it is important to be able to communicate with your soon to be ex. You may be experiencing sadness, anger, stress, frustration, among other emotions, but by establishing an effective means of communication is an important part to help the process move on more smoothly.
You might be tempted to minimize contact with your ex, however this is not the way to go. If children are involved you will have to communicate with your spouse for many years to come. However, if you were married to an abusive person or if there is a restraining order involved, then it is vital you consult with your attorney regarding the best way to communicate. If not, you should find a way to effectively communicate regarding the many aspects that come up when permanently separating.
How do I do this you might ask. Early on the two of you can set communication ground rules. Decide on the subjects up for discussion. Although your attorney will play a major part in dividing assets, child custody, and division of property, there are many things that the two of you should be able to negotiate between yourselves.
Agreement on forms of Good Communication with your spouse
Agree to not dwell on past issues. These past issues couldn’t be resolved when you were married, so it is pointless to keep bringing them up. Realize that you are establishing a new type of relationship with your spouse, and move forward.
Decide on the best form of communication. You can use a variety of communication tools, texts, emails, phone calls, or meeting one on one.
If you are texting keep your emotions in check as it is easy to fire back a reply. If you get a text that is frustrating to you or makes you angry, take a deep breath and wait until later to reply so that you don’t say something you will regret. Or if it is a snarky one that needs no reply, even though you would like to, just ignore it. Being civil and taking the high road is the way to go.
YES To Email
Email is a good form of communication, especially if it involves some type of schedule or information pertaining to children. Keep the emails brief and to the point. This can be a good way of communicating if you just want to convey a point without getting into a back-and-forth discussion. With an email, you can compose your thoughts and read and reread it before sending it to be sure you said what you meant to, and be sure you set the right tone.
When talking to your spouse either by phone or in person, it can be helpful to write down a few notes first. This will help you organize your questions, concerns, or points you want to address. Keep on track as much as possible, and if things aren’t going well agree to take a break and set a time to revisit it. Try to focus on a few things and again agree to talk again as not everything can be settled at once.
NO To Social Media
I highly advise to stay off social media as much as possible during a divorce proceeding. Your ex may see something not directed at them that they find offensive or hurtful, and it could add fuel to fire. For example, if you posted a picture of your kids with a person your spouse didn’t know, they might draw conclusions that weren’t true. They might think you were posting something aimed at being mean towards them.
Try to be respectful and civil in your communication. If you are disrespectful, you will cause more resent and hurt feelings. You of course want your spouse to be civil and respectful. If you are consistently civil and respectful, hopefully they will follow suit. Being respectful helps you move forward instead of focusing on revenge. The goal is to communicate so you can get through the divorce.
Going through a divorce is not easy. Talking with your ex-spouse can be stressful and uncomfortable. By incorporating some of these tips, you can hopefully learn to communicate in a positive way and make post-life divorce work for you both.
Experienced, Trusted and Professional Dayton Divorce Lawyers
Our experienced Dayton divorce lawyers at Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues can assist you with your divorce or dissolution related issues. To learn more, please go to our website at www.hcmmlaw.com or call us at 937 293-2141. We can schedule an in-person conference or one by phone or Zoom. We look forward to assisting you!
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Attorney Robert “Chip” Mues has been focusing his legal practice throughout Southwest Ohio primarily in divorce and family law matters since 1978. Chip is passionate about family law and has proudly published the Ohio Family Law Blog since 2007. In addition, he is the managing partner of Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues. To learn more about him or the law firm, visit the firm’s website at www.hcmmlaw.com. Appointments are available in person, over the phone or by Zoom. Call us at 937 293-2141.