How to Cope with Valentine’s Day for the Newly Divorced. Who Really Needs Cupid Anyway?

Be kind to yourself this Valentine’s Day!

PUBLISHERS NOTE:

It has been a long time since I wrote a blog about dealing with Valentine’s Day for the newly divorced. Actually, it has been 15 years ago! I pulled that old article up. The advice in it still rings true today. I offered 8 suggestions then. Today, I am reposting it after tweaking it some and adding 3 more tips. Hopefully, a suggestion or two might turn out to be helpful!

Divorced and No Valentine? Here are some Valentine’s Day Tips To Make Your Day Enjoyable

Valentine’s Day is the start of the busy season for Dayton divorce lawyers. Many couples wait until after the holidays and it gives them time to file their taxes “jointly” and receive a larger refund. It also can be a reckoning day when people decide that they deserve better.

While romance abounds with cupid’s magic for some, it also can be a difficult time for many divorced individuals who don’t have a valentine to share it with.

Here are some tips from Jennifer McCarron and Eugene Kayser, licensed family therapists from Abington, Pennsylvania:

1. Ignore the holiday. Think about Valentine’s Day like a holiday for a religion you do not celebrate. Simply decide you are not participating in the activities typically associated with the day.
2. Do something special for yourself. Go to a spa, take a walk or try any other activity that nourishes you. Kayser said, “showing love and regard for yourself can make you feel stronger”. “You need to self-nurture,” he said. “You’ve lost something so you need to take the time to grieve it and take care of yourself.”
3. Go out, but not where you typically find couples. A trip to the bookstore or coffee shop are good alternatives to dinner at a restaurant. McCarron advises that activities can help distract you if you are coping with sadness or other difficult feelings. “I think definitely scheduling something in helps so you are not sitting alone in your head,” she said.
4. Spend the day with family, friends or others you love. Kayser and McCarron agree this is a good option as long as you surround yourself with people who support you. Avoiding people in partnerships that day also might be something to consider.
5. Seek activities with other single people. Support groups, speed dating, a movie night or party at home with friends are some options, says McCarron.
6. If you have children, focus on them. McCarron said you can still embrace the holiday by helping them with their Valentine’s cards and remembering there are other kinds of love in life than romantic love.
7. Be mindful of Valentine’s activities that trigger difficult feelings and avoid them.
   If, for example, trading sentimental cards with your ex was a favorite activity, stay away from the card aisle around the holiday. But I have my own suggestion to offer for Valentine’s Day by considering the situation from the opposite perspective.
8. Put aside your feelings and do something nice for someone else. Why not volunteer to help with a Valentine’s Day party at a nursing home, senior center, hospital or homeless shelter? Loneliness can be overwhelming for individuals in these types of facilities. A little human touch coupled with random acts of kindness can go a very long way in putting a smile on a person’s face today or any day!
9. Stay off social media. Constant reminders of a Hallmark style Valentine’s Day likely won’t be a positive experience. There is no reason to read about loving relationships. Definitely, avoid creeping around on your Ex’s Facebook and social media pages!
10. Plan a getaway. How about arranging a last-minute getaway either alone or with a friend or family member and go somewhere fun that you have been thinking about for a while? There are a ton of fun cities and attractions within a 2 hour drive. Be spontaneous, make a reservation, and GO!
11. Keep your mind straight. Try to focus just on the present and not on the past or the future. Thinking about a prior marriage will not likely be positive. Further, fixating on dreams for the future will likely also create more stress!

Remember that Valentine’s Day, even after a divorce, doesn’t have to be a gloomy or depressing day. Be creative in showing kindness to those around you. Bernard Meltzer, Dean of the University of Chicago Law School, said it well, “There is no better exercise for your heart than reaching down and helping to lift someone up!”

Be kind to yourself! Think outside of the box, and have a different but enjoyable Valentine’s Day this year! YOU DESERVE IT!

For some married couples, Valentine’s Day only accentuates all the reasons of how your marriage has totally broken down. If you are thinking about a divorce but don’t know where to start, our Dayton Ohio divorce lawyers at Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues are here to help explain the process and answer your questions. Of course, everything discussed is 100% confidential.

If you are considering a divorce, the experienced divorce lawyers at Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues located in Dayton, Ohio can assist you. Please call us at 937 293-2141 to schedule a conference either in person, by phone or Zoom.

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