PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This blog about Parallel Parenting vs. Co-Parenting is as meaningful today as it was when we originally posted it on September 11, 2021. We have a ton of interesting articles in our archives of the Ohio Family Law Blog. Use our Search tool and enjoy a few oldie but goodies!!
Parenting Methods That May Work For You: Co-Parenting and Parallel Parenting
Ohio Courts may designate 1 parent as the sole custodial parent or both as equal residential parents under a shared parenting plan. In a divorce, the statute that establishes that is R.C. § 3109.04. The best interests of the child always are the paramount consideration.
However, there are two other parenting methods in the non-legal world that are important to be aware of in order to be fully informed.
Co-Parenting:
This approach will work best for those parents who act and problem-solve together despite their differences and are no longer living with one another. Typically, these parents are operating under a shared parenting plan.
This approach involves putting the best interest of your child first often by making going between houses a low-stress situation, attending school functions and extra-curricular events with one another, and frequent, detailed communication. Further, their parental interaction is cordial and there is a safe space for conflict resolution in order to keep a level of normalcy for the child. Essentially, a low conflict ideal situation for the kids!
What do you do if your co-parent is no longer willing to work with you in an effective way?
- Try to understand their point of view. Their opinion may differ from yours, but it does not mean it is wrong, hear them out.
- Remain flexible. There will come a time when the agreement will most likely need to be modified.
- Continue to communicate and problem solve. Perhaps engage the services of a child psychologist/therapist to help mediate the issues.
Parallel Parenting:
This approach will work best for those parents who may or may not share custody but who are unable for one reason or another to reach the level of cooperation needed to make co-parenting work. This approach is often utilized with high conflict parents. Parallel parenting requires structure and ground rules in order that boundaries be clearly laid to avoid conflict and disengagement. Often, just as in a shared parenting agreement, there will be a parenting plan put in place that establishes a primary parent but the difference being that it likely will not be equal time amongst the parents due to the psychological and emotional detriment a child may face due to the unresolved marital conflicts.
This plan lays out mutually agreed upon responsibilities such as a written schedule for school events and a communication plan that minimizes face-to-face interaction except in instances of medical issues or house-to-house transitions. Parallel parenting provides a child with access to both parents with minimized interaction in order to keep the best interest of the child at the forefront.
Three tips for success:
- Keep communication brief, informative, and firm – typically via email or text or perhaps through an online app such as Our Family Wizard.
- Maintain a support circle and take care of yourself.
- Focus on the positive outcomes for you and your child.
Choosing Which Approach Will Work Best:
If at all possible, a low conflict shared parenting approach is the aspirational goal! Only you and your partner know what is best for your child and the level of cooperation you are capable of. It is important to know the differences between the two approaches, for although they are similar, they have major differences in structure.
When you have exhausted all options to communicate and work with your partner without reaching an agreement, it may be time to get help from an experienced family law attorney. This is true especially if you believe that the problems are becoming detrimental to your child.
Our experienced Dayton family law and custody lawyers at Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues are here for you! We can assist you with better understanding shared styles and next steps! To learn more, please go to our website at www.hcmmlaw.com or call us at 937 293-2141. We can schedule an in-person conference or one by phone or Zoom. We look forward to helping you!
PUBLISHER’S NOTE:
I want to thank Madeline Howell for her assistance in drafting this article. Madeline has clerked with us this Summer and is about to start her second year of law school at the University of Dayton School of Law. You did a GREAT job and we wish you all the best as you complete your law school education! Please stay in touch. Thanks again Madeline!
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Attorney Robert “Chip” Mues has been focusing his legal practice throughout Southwest Ohio primarily in divorce and family law matters since 1978. Chip is passionate about family law and has proudly published the Ohio Family Law Blog since 2007. In addition, he is the managing partner of Holzfaster, Cecil, McKnight & Mues. To learn more about him or the law firm, visit the firm’s website at www.hcmmlaw.com. Appointments are available in person, over the phone or by Zoom. Call us at 937 293-2141.
