Guest Contributor Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC, Author at Ohio Family Law Blog

Blast From The Past: Holidays: Just Say No And Feel Empowered!

Blast from the past 13 years Ohio Family Law Blog

Holidays Got Your Down?

PUBLISHERS NOTE: “Congratulations! We all made it through Thanksgiving. So, the mad dash of the holiday season is officially upon us. This sage advice from psychotherapist, Donna F. Ferber, from 2013 warrants a repost. Take a breath. Slow down. And just say “no”.”

A Guide to Happier Holidays: Replace HO–HO-HO with NO-NO-NO!

Well, the holiday hoopla is ramping up. Displays of sparkly red and green stuff has taken center stage in our stores, catalogues are arriving in droves, internet sites are offering deals, discounts and sales on every imaginable product. Magazines at the grocery checkout display unbelievable glossy covers of gorgeous people, in gorgeous houses, serving gorgeous food. Now with the sudden drop in temperature and the promise of snow this week, the reality that the holidays are descending on us is unavoidable.

It feels impossible to slow this down or simply get a grip. It is like being swept up in some tinselly tidal wave. I don’t want to shop yet; I still am cleaning out the garden! Yet, as the heat clicks on, and my sweaters and even gloves begin to take center stage, it cannot be denied. Here comes the holidays… Read More... “Blast From The Past: Holidays: Just Say No And Feel Empowered!”

Blast From The Past: Don’t Create Halloween Horrors for your Child!

PUBLISHERS NOTE: “Halloween can be very tricky for divorced parents. Here is some great advice from Psychotherapist Donna Ferber from way back in 2010. If you enjoy this article, you would love her book, “From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey Through Divorce” available on Amazon and Kindle. Also, check out her website, www.DonnaFerber.com.”

Make Your Child’s Halloween A Positive Experience Post Divorce

For many kids, Halloween is one of the most important holidays of the year. The child of divorce is faced with choices and concerns. Who will take me treat-or-treating? Who will get my costume and dress me? Where will I trick-or-treat?

Then, of course, there logistical problems for the divorced parents. By addressing these issues in advance, parents can reduce stress and not distract from the child’s positive experience. These include:

In two-parent homes, often one parent gives out candy while the other parent takes the child trick-or-treating. Now there is only one parent in the home. Do you stay and give out candy or do you go with your child?
Parents often do not specify in their divorce decree who “gets” the child on October 31. If it falls on a visitation day, some

Blast From The Past: Strategies to Make Your Christmas Less Stressful

Publisher’s Comment: This “Blast from the Past” comes from Psychotherapist Donna F. Ferber. She was kind enough to share this article with us 8 years ago. Excellent advice then and now from Donna!

If this is your first Christmas since the separation and divorce, the anticipation can fill you with sadness and trepidation. Here are some solid, easy tips to help make the holidays less painful and hopefully, maybe, even (surprisingly!) enjoyable!

Let go of traditions that no longer work for you. This is an opportunity to re-invent your holidays. Keep the traditions that you enjoy and get rid of the ones that you don’t. No one expects you to be on your best behavior during this time, so you can probably pull it off without anyone getting too upset.

Stick to your regular routine as closely as possible. Sleep, exercise, eat well and don’t skip those therapy appointments.

Don’t use money, alcohol, food, or sex to deal with pain and sadness. These indulgences will leave you poor, hung over, fat, and guilty on December 26th.

Don’t be afraid to do something different. Go away or stay home, but take a risk to use the holidays to try something … Read More... “Blast From The Past: Strategies to Make Your Christmas Less Stressful”

Dealing with the Holidays if You Are in Divorce Transition…

college girl sitting on leaves in yard with hands raised

PUBLISHER’S NOTE Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC is a psychotherapist in private practice for 30 years in Farmington, Connecticut. She is a licensed professional counselor, a licensed alcohol and drug abuse counselor and an educator. In her private practice, Donna specializes in issues related to life transitions. These include but are not limited to divorce, remarriage, chronic illness, loss, relocation. Donna has been a guest contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog since 2010. We have enjoyed collaborating on several articles over the years.

Every major life event, whether joyful or sad, brings on a period of transition as we adjust to the “new normal.” Even though these periods of transition occur throughout our lives, each requires us to discover a new and unique path as we struggle to move through uncharted waters. The death of a loved one, a divorce, a family estrangement, an illness, or sudden unemployment are some of the changes that shake us to our core. We are challenged in ways we could not imagine.

And in the midst of all this upheaval, the leaves are beginning to turn and the temperatures drop. So, we pack away our sandals and shorts and find ourselves dealing with … Read More... “Dealing with the Holidays if You Are in Divorce Transition…”

Do you Believe in Magic?

magic believe Some weeks ago, I tuned into an NPR radio interview with Penn and Teller, those amazing magicians/entertainers who have for decades defied logic and fooled us with their brilliant illusions.

What caught my interest was the oddity of the interview. The dynamic duo of Penn and Teller were being interviewed separately. This intrigued me as I wondered how NPR would handle empty radio air space if the usually silent Raymond Teller continued to be mute.

Luckily, he did not. And among the thought provoking things he had to say was this, “Nothing fools you better than the lie you tell yourself.” Of course, he was talking about magic. But I was thinking about denial. It never occurred to me before that moment that magic has so much in common with denial. The point of intersection is simple-We WANT to believe.

We know when something is “off”; maybe we can’t see it, but we feel it. And we ignore that feeling; we do this when watching a magic show as the illusion entertains us. We collude with the magicians on stage. We want to be fooled. Just for a while we want to believe in magic! We know the woman is … Read More... “Do you Believe in Magic?”

Fighting Winter Despair

winter despair Here we are in the post-holiday pall. While the holidays are difficult for those who have experienced a loss of any kind, they are stressful to some degree for all of us. We eat too much, drink too much, spend too much and in many cases have “too much” family or possibly, too little. And while there a kind of relief to having the holidays behind us, the let-down presents its’ own challenges.

Even if your holidays were great-the results of those excesses now impact fully. There is the influx of bills, the shorter days, the extra pounds accumulated from the holiday goodies, the clean-up and putting away of holiday décor and the return to routine. In the Northeast, these changes are accompanied by inclement weather – the dropping temperatures, the snow and the ice. Plus, cold and flu season grips us.

Some folks anticipate this January “crash” and plan a trip to warmer climates. “Snow birds” say “so long” to their children and grandchildren and retreat in droves to warmers climates. College students plan for spring break and say “so long” to their parents.

For those not traveling or of snow bird status, January heralds the beginning of the … Read More... “Fighting Winter Despair”

Uncoupling and Divorce

What is Uncoupling and How Does It Relate To Or Not Relate To Divorce?

uncoupling divorce A few years ago when Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced they were “consciously uncoupling”, many rolled their eyes at what felt like pretentious language.

While “uncoupling” sounds a little strange, in truth, it may be a more precise way to describe the demise of a marriage and the subsequent unraveling of intertwined lives, then just saying “we are getting divorced.” Divorce is a legal process that culminates with a bang of a gavel. Uncoupling is the emotional process of ending the marital/romantic relationship. It extends far beyond mere legalities.

Unlike divorce that clearly defines the practical division of financial assets and legal responsibilities, uncoupling rarely has clear boundaries or a definite end. Especially when there are children; the relationship doesn’t end so much as morph into another kind of relationship.

Do not assume “Relationship” always refers to one of civility; while that is the ideal, in truth many couples continue their post marital relationship by bickering, fighting and power struggles. These adversarial marriages, while legally over, are not really uncoupled; there is simply too much energy (albeit negative energy) that goes into keeping a … Read More... “Uncoupling and Divorce”

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