Regrets

Should We Try To Avoid Regret?

How Accepting Some Sense Of Regret Will Be A Part Of Every Decision We Will Make

regret divorceA few months ago when I read the novel The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd, I had no idea that it would include a sentiment that was so wise that I would be inspired to share it.  The main character in the book is struggling with a decision that will impact her for the rest of her life. “Choose the regret you can most live with” is the powerful advice she receives.

Those of you who have been in the office recently may have heard me quote this. In the often gut wrenching world of making tough decisions, this one simple line offers good counsel as often there is no easy, clear resolution.

As much as I valued this sentiment, I was having trouble writing about it in a way that seemed as if it would have meaning. I took a couple of shots from different angles and then moved it to the folder of unfinished blogs.

Then of course, the answer came.

Many of you know about my border collie who has been with me … Read More... “Regrets”

FOMO: Does it Impact Decisions to File for Divorce?

The Role FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) Plays Out In Daily and Family Life

FOMO divorceTechnology has created a glut of new words and expressions. It also has “repurposed” old words; a mouse is no longer just a rodent in my basement. A crash is not a vehicular accident, a chip is not just used for scooping up onion dip and a pad is not just a monthly required feminine product.

Electronic communication has also introduced us to a wave of new acronyms. LOL, ROFL, OMG, BRB were sprinkled through our e-mail and now are a standard in texting. Those initialisms (another new word I recently learned) have entered into our face to face conversations and are a part of our lexicon. Since I don’t Tweet, Snap, or Facebook, I admit I am lagging in current vocabulary updates.

Then an acquaintance confided she attends church weekly because she has FOMO. For those of you who are, like me, lagging in social media jargon, I will decode. FOMO refers to “Fear of Missing Out”. It is used most frequently by teenagers posting on social media in response to social events. For example, “I am going to Shania’s party even if I … Read More... “FOMO: Does it Impact Decisions to File for Divorce?”

In the Season of Excess: Will you Splurge or Binge?

holiday binge splurgeToday while running some errands, I saw mountainous displays of bags of candy so enormous that I would need assistance just getting them to the car! Aisles and aisles of transparent sacks filled with tempting giant size candy bars! Where are those little bit size morsels we used to consider a treat? Now there were Reese’s Peanut Butter Chocolate Cups the size of small pizzas! (Okay, maybe just the size of bagels…but still!) Of course, they are priced to encourage you purchase more than just one bag (buy two, get one FREE!).

Halloween is the gateway holiday to the season of excess – the sugar high of October 31 segues nicely into the Thanksgiving food feast (Can there ever be too many pies?). Then it is just a four week slide down the slippery slope to the Mother of all Excesses-Christmas. Unfortunately, Christmas seems to be increasingly associated with displays that reach far beyond even abundance; we eat too much, drink too much, spend too much, worry too much and party too much. We are so out of control with our obsession of acquisition that it is not unusual to turn on the news and watch with horror as some … Read More... “In the Season of Excess: Will you Splurge or Binge?”

Breaking Bad Habits: If Your Resolutions Are Slipping Away

resolutionsResearch shows that most people have given up on their New Year’s Resolutions by the third week of January. Here are a couple of tips that might help you beat the odds and reach your goal.

Refocus – When the urge/craving comes on for that chocolate éclair, glass of wine, or fabulous new boots, refocusing your thoughts can go a long way in helping you slow down those urges. How does this work? Think of it as procrastination for a good cause. Most of us can find a gazillion other things to focus on instead of, say, cleaning the bathroom or doing our taxes. Refocus is simply shifting your thoughts to something else – read a book, work out, or even clean the bathroom or do your taxes early. By the time you are through with this new chore you will find your craving has passed.

Revalue – Instead of thinking about how good that cigarette will feel, think about it blackening your lungs. When you stop rationalizing about how you “ deserve this” and focus rather on how you “deserve” to be healthy, you can begin to replace old toxic habits with healthier ones. While the chocolate donut may … Read More... “Breaking Bad Habits: If Your Resolutions Are Slipping Away”

Divorce: Not a Do-It-Yourself Project

Tips On How To Move Ahead In Divorce

Help And Support From Professionals Key To Moving Forward In Divorce

divorceFrequently, people who are unhappy in their marriages wait until after the holiday season to move ahead with the dissolution of their marriage.  If you are one of those folks who have made this decision, you know it is not easy to make that first move.  Sometimes people struggle for years in unhappy relationships before they decide it is time to end the marriage.

How to move ahead?  Find a good lawyer and therapist.  They will be part of your team as you begin the arduous process of untangling your marriage.  These professionals will help and support you through the process – making sure that when your divorce is final, you are as secure as you can be – both emotionally and legally.

No doubt about it – divorce is a major life changing decision.  It is a stressful time – you, your spouse and your children will be impacted emotionally, financially, practically and legally.

So, it is surprising when so many couples decide to proceed with the legal uncoupling without legal counsel!  Here are some reasons people choose to represent … Read More... “Divorce: Not a Do-It-Yourself Project”

New Year’s Eve: Single not Sad

Tips On How To Make New Year’s Eve A New Beginning After Divorce

SIngle At New Year’s Eve Brings More Options

new year's evePublisher’s Note:

Congratulations! We have all made it through Christmas and now New Year’s Eve is just a few days away. I have been considering what to post this week that was timely and relevant.

I remembered the great piece we posted 3 years ago that Donna Ferber had written for her first book, From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman’s Journey through Divorce. I received a lot of compliments about it then.  I reread it and loved it as much now as I did the first time. Her sage advice warrants a repost, so here it is.

Many of us actually prefer to stay home on New Year’s Eve or spend the night with friends rather than get all dressed up to trudge through snowy, icy weather, only to eat and drink too much! Yet, the fantasy of this night still seems to hold many captive. The notion of “being alone” on New Year’s Eve makes an otherwise strong, capable, independent adult feel like a gawky 13-year-old wallflower! How is it that one can be spending New … Read More... “New Year’s Eve: Single not Sad”

Holidays: Just Say No And Feel Empowered!

A Guide to Happier Holidays: Replace HO–HO-HO with NO-NO-NO!

holidaysWell, the holiday hoopla is ramping up. Displays of sparkly red and green stuff has taken center stage in our stores, catalogues are arriving in droves, internet sites are offering deals, discounts and sales on every imaginable product. Magazines at the grocery checkout display unbelievable glossy covers of gorgeous people, in gorgeous houses, serving gorgeous food. Now with the sudden drop in temperature and the promise of snow this week, the reality that the holidays are descending on us is unavoidable.

It feels impossible to slow this down or simply get a grip. It is like being swept up in some tinselly tidal wave. I don’t want to shop yet; I still am cleaning out the garden! Yet, as the heat clicks on, and my sweaters and even gloves begin to take center stage, it cannot be denied. Here comes the holidays.

Much has been written about how to maintain our sanity through the holidays – hints of shortcuts for meals, warnings about overeating and over-drinking, and financial gurus pleading with us to set limits on our spending. All of these techniques are designed to make the holidays more manageable … Read More... “Holidays: Just Say No And Feel Empowered!”

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