Children's Issues Archives - Page 4 of 9

Divorce Book Review: DIVORCE: How to Tell The Kids: A Parent’s Guide to Breaking the News Without Breaking Their Hearts

Author Vikki Stark Conducts Over 100 Interviews With Children For New Book About Separation And Divorce

divorce children separation Vikki Stark, a divorce recovery specialist and a family therapist for over thirty (30) years, published this book in 2015. Her stated purpose in writing the book was to make the “telling” to the children of the news that a family was going to be separating as non-traumatic as possible. To research this subject area, the author conducted over one hundred (100) interviews with children and with adults who were children when their parents separated and divorced. She also interviewed parents who had already done the “telling” to their children to learn about their positive and negative experiences in doing so. Finally, she read and researched many articles written by other professionals in the same field.

The main points from Chapter 1, A Bridge to Your Next Life, are as follows:

You cannot avoid the anger or sorrow that your children may feel; but you can learn skills to reduce the trauma.
You must become “attuned” to your children’s emotions. Attunement means listening carefully to what they are saying, acknowledging and accepting their feelings.
Hearing or reading the actual words of children who have

Why Aren’t You Getting Help for Your Child?

child mental health help There’s both good and bad news on the status of kids’ mental health in research just published in the New England Journal of Medicine.

The good news is that more kids are getting help for their emotional and behavioral problems, with 13.2 percent of children receiving mental health services in 2012 compared to only 9.2 percent in 1996.

The bad news is that only 44.6 percent of children with severe mental health problems received any professional assistance.

There is no single or simple reason why more than half of our kids with serious problems received no professional support. This may be due to a shortage of pediatric mental health specialists, parental financial issues, problems with getting off from work to attend sessions, or the refusal of kids to participate in therapy.

However, here are the top three reasons I’ve heard from parents.

“I don’t know how to find a good therapist.” Many parents are confused about how to identify the appropriate professional needed by their children. Should they go to a counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, or social worker? How can you obtain information about the training and skill of such a person?I advise parents to start off with a discussion with

Should you have children? Ask yourself these questions

children parenting About 20 percent of women don’t have children, a rate twice as high as the 1970s according to the Pew Research Center. For some, the decision is due to life circumstances or medical problems. For about 10 percent of women, it is a purposeful choice reflective of their values, lifestyles and interests.

This decision is life altering. Consider the following before deciding to be a parent.

Do you like children? Some people just don’t enjoy being around kids. This may be difficult to admit, but please be honest with yourself.
Are you in a stable relationship? Raising children will constantly strain your relationship. Parenting requires lots of compromise and communication. It’s misguided to bring children into a relationship marked by substance abuse, instability or turmoil and hope that kids will somehow erase those problems. The impact will likely be the opposite. Children exacerbate existing dysfunctions in relationships.
Are you willing to sacrifice, often and indefinitely? You lose a great deal of freedom the day a child enters your world.I’ll forever remember the day we brought our daughter home from the hospital. We sat on the sofa, taking turns holding this beautiful little girl, thrilled beyond belief. However, from that day

Narcissism: Is it all about you?

Rates of Narcissism Increasing With College Kids and Children

narcissism children I grew up during a time when my generation was encouraged to “do your own thing.” I wonder if we’ve taken that advice to the extreme.

Lots of different trends support the view that we’ve become incredibly self-absorbed, with a focus on what we want rather than on a concern for others. Status, power and physical attributes seem to be of highest priority.

Academic researchers have documented increasing rates of narcissism among college kids and an inflated sense of self-worth among children in general. Cosmetic surgery for kids has become increasingly commonplace. Appearances are more important than substance.

Parents are more likely to select unique rather than common names for their children. They want their children to stand out rather than fit in.

In a review of over 800,000 books published in the past 50 years, the use of first-person pronouns (I, me) increased 42 percent. It’s all about me.

Social media sites are used to document the most mundane of activities. Why do people feel compelled to let others know that they made cookies or went shopping at the mall?

Is there anything wrong with this trend of focusing … Read More... “Narcissism: Is it all about you?”

5 Steps Toward Connecting with your Kids

connecting kids steps Why should I rush home to have dinner with my kids when my efforts to talk with them are met with silence and indifference that borders on contempt?,” asked a dad at a recent workshop.

Many parents voiced similar concerns but quickly justified their adolescents’ misbehavior with “that’s typical of the teenage years.”

The fact that something may be common doesn’t make it right or an inevitable stage of growing up. Lots of parents raise teens who are communicative and emotionally engaged with their families, not sullen and disrespectful.

Discuss the issue directly. Get your kids’ perspectives about what is going on during dinner time. I find that individual discussions with the kids generally work better than a family meeting. Listen and try to understand their perspective without becoming argumentative or defensive. Explain that you want to respect their privacy and independence while continuing to be a part of their lives.
Avoid corrections and lectures. Many kids tell me they dread meal times because they feel they are being interrogated by their parents. Revealing any important information about issues results in reprimands. Why would you talk about real issues if it only gets you in trouble?
It begins with you.

Let Children Learn How to Deal with Divorce and Other Life Problems

children lifes problems Bad experiences in early childhood have a significant impact on kids during adolescence, according to recent research published by Child Trends. Investigators found that 48 percent of our kids experienced a serious negative event during childhood, with 11 percent of our kids having to deal with three or more severe situations.

The most common negative events were serious economic hardships (26 percent of kids), divorced or separated parents (20 percent), and living in families with serious problems with alcohol (11 percent), violence (9 percent) or mental illness (9 percent).

Youngsters who have had to deal with three or more adverse childhood experiences were much more likely to exhibit school problems, learning disabilities, behavior problems, and physical health issues.

It would be great if kids didn’t have to deal with stuff like divorce, domestic violence, or mental illness. We realistically have to prepare our kids to deal with life’s problems, whether they are minor nuisances or serious traumas.

This means raising kids who are resilient, and have the skills to persist and succeed even when confronted by setbacks and traumas. Here’s what you can do.

Be a great role model. Kids learn from watching us. When problems arise, do you whine

School Year Preparations For Child And Parent

How To Prepare For A Successful School Experience – 10 Practical Back To School Tips for Parent And Child Transitioning Into A Separation or Divorce

school child parent School is right around the corner for many children and their parents. This time of the year, while always somewhat stressful for children, can bring even more anxious unknowns for a child when their parents are separated. Regardless of your relationship with your former spouse there are some steps you can take to ensure your children, and their teachers are prepared for the coming year.

The first thing to remember is even if you’re not on good terms with your spouse, you must respect them as a mother and a father. Being able to set aside marital differences to ensure your child has a smooth and educational start to the school year is essential as a parent. Below are some steps that every parent should take, regardless of your relationship with each other.

Communication: Make sure you’re communicating about school work, grades, extracurricular activities and other school events with your spouse. Work out a parenting schedule. Make sure both of you know what’s on the horizon, what assignments are assigned, and when they’re due.

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