Why should I rush home to have dinner with my kids when my efforts to talk with them are met with silence and indifference that borders on contempt?,” asked a dad at a recent workshop.
Many parents voiced similar concerns but quickly justified their adolescents’ misbehavior with “that’s typical of the teenage years.”
The fact that something may be common doesn’t make it right or an inevitable stage of growing up. Lots of parents raise teens who are communicative and emotionally engaged with their families, not sullen and disrespectful.
- Discuss the issue directly. Get your kids’ perspectives about what is going on during dinner time. I find that individual discussions with the kids generally work better than a family meeting. Listen and try to understand their perspective without becoming argumentative or defensive. Explain that you want to respect their privacy and independence while continuing to be a part of their lives.
- Avoid corrections and lectures. Many kids tell me they dread meal times because they feel they are being interrogated by their parents. Revealing any important information about issues results in reprimands. Why would you talk about real issues if it only gets you in trouble?
- It begins with you.