Co-parent issues in Divorce, Custody and Child Custody.
Important tips for when a co-parent becomes uncooperative
This is the first of two back-to-back articles on this subject. The second one from the viewpoint of Dayton, Ohio, divorce lawyer Robert “Chip” Mues, will be posted here on Saturday March 3, 2012.
When you are going through a divorce, keeping your children’s well-being in the forefront of your mind is critical. Whether the children ultimately have an experience that is traumatic or manageable is a direct result of how well their parents’ behave. Some parents even stay together “for the sake of their children” but their behavior is so appalling that the kids beg their parents to split up. Whether you stay together or not, your children learn from and emulate your behavior. You are role models for healthy relationships.
Your commitment to protect your children from divorce acrimony is tested when you find yourself in the throes of splitting property and assets. You are exhausted, stressed, worried, and patience is at a premium. The ends of your conviction begin to fray as hostility escalates. If you are embroiled in bitter exchanges over issues of child support, visitation, parent styles and custody, … Read More... “The Uncooperative Co-Parent From a Therapist’s Perspective”
The birth of your first child is not only an event to be cherished but a stage of life to be feared. Children represent a severe threat to your relationship with your spouse.
No relationship is more maligned in our culture than that of first wives and second wives. While we make fun of mother-in-laws, many admit to having wonderful fulfilling relationships with their M-I-L. Not so with the “Ex” and the “Next”. Judged as guilty before even tried, these women are pitted against each other by circumstance. Stereotypes abound; the first wife was a “crazy nagging bitch” and the second one “a cheap slut”!
And so it begins…The constant jockeying, bargaining, organizing, planning, and fretting that shows up every holiday season as we are bombarded with images of “creating the perfect holiday”. We struggle to meet the needs wishes and expectations (and yes, sometimes, even the demands) of everyone in our lives. Realistically, we know we can’t please everyone (so you got to please yourself…), yet we still go at that long list of “should’s” with the tenacity of a dog with a juicy bone.
Over the years Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., who is a local child psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at the Children’s Medical Center of Dayton, has allowed us to republish many of his “Family Wise” articles from the Dayton Daily News. He included an interesting question and answer in his column published in the Dayton Daily News on Sunday, August 28, 2011, that caught my attention. Here is the question and Dr. Ramey’s answer:
No one wants to get divorced. We don’t walk down the aisle thinking, “Aw, what the hell, if this doesn’t work, I can always get a divorce.” You probably thought more along the lines of, “I don’t care how many people get divorced. This is not going to happen to us!” Yet here you are. It is awful and it hurts more than you could have ever imagined.
Even young children are aware that they are part of both parents. We tell them the story of our courtship, our wedding and of their birth. We show them baby pictures. “You have Daddy’s smile and you have Mommy’s eyes,” we tell them. This is one way children feel they are part of a family. It helps our children develop a sense of identity and belonging. As children grow older, we begin to identify more traits in them that remind us of ourselves. “You are artistic like your dad” or “you have your mom’s wit” are further ways we continue to build connection with our kids.