One of the most difficult things you will ever have to do as a parent is tell your children that their parents are breaking up. It is important that you shift your focus from your loss to your children’s loss. Divorce is about the dissolution of a husband-wife relationship. It marks a change in the parent-child relationship. Staying aware of this difference will help you effectively support your children. In talking with your children, stay focused on their feelings about this experience. If you focus on the spousal relationship, your own feelings may get in the way of good parenting.
Here are some tips for explaining the divorce to your children:
- If possible, both parents should be present. This illustrates to the children that you will still be able to co-parent.
- Tell them close to the time that one of the parents is planning to move out. Telling them months in advance doesn’t “prepare them.” It will only make them anxious and worried.
- Tell them calmly.
- Keep it age appropriate. Don’t give them information that is over their heads.
- Keep it short and sweet.
- Explain that divorce is between the adults and that parents do not divorce children.
- Ask for
In spite of his mom’s death from breast cancer two years ago, 14-year-old Damian appeared to be doing well. He was experiencing typical adolescent issues with independence and responsibility, but seemed to be working those out with his dad. Damian was starting to think about college, motivated by a desire to “always make my mom proud of me.”
If this is your first Christmas since the separation and divorce, the anticipation can fill you with sadness and trepidation. Here are some solid, easy tips to help make the holidays less painful and hopefully, maybe, even (surprisingly!) enjoyable!
Dr. Gregory Ramey, a child psychologist at Dayton Children’s Hospital and author of the Family Wise Column in the Dayton Daily News, as well as a guest contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog, will be presenting a parenting seminar at 6:30 p.m., December 3, 2009, at Dayton Children’s Outpatient Care Center in Springboro. Don’t miss it! Dr. Ramey will discuss “Kids and their Technological Worlds” and will provide recent research on internet usage, cell phones, and television, and some concrete implications for today’s parents. Seating is limited and a RSVP is required. To reserve a seat, contact Betsy Woods at 
How do you handle it if after a divorce you and your Ex have different values or parenting styles? Do you hear “Mommy would let me” or “It is much more fun to live with Daddy”? Here is some great advice on this topic frequently raised by clients to their divorce lawyers. Dr. Greg Ramey, PhD, a child psychologist at Dayton Children’s Hospital and author of the Family Wise Column in the Dayton Daily News responded as follows:
Considering a multitude of differing perspectives and insights helps me to better hone my skills as a divorce lawyer. What I see and hear every day is rarely black or white, but a rainbow of shades of gray. One way of broadening my viewpoint is to read all sorts of blogs each week, an activity which I totally enjoy! Consistently, one of my favorites is Michael Mastracci’s Divorce Without Dishonor Blog. Mike is an excellent attorney from Baltimore, Maryland. His own difficult and acrimonious divorce and child custody battle led to his personal interest in collaborative family law. Attorneys and clients both should include his blog on their frequent read list. Mike regularly espouses ethical, moral and philosophical standards that we should aspire to meet. I have personally and professionally been a proponent of child welfare issues for over 30 years. So, when I read his recent post about “What We Are Teaching Our Children of Separation and Divorce,” I had to ask Mike if I could have his permission to republish it. He kindly agreed. Here it is: