Emotional Health Archives - Page 8 of 22

Why are Kids so Afraid of Being Real with their Parents?

Something I say to kids typically strikes terror in their hearts—“maybe that’s something you should discuss with your mom and dad.” My advice is often met with fear and rejection.

Within the emotional security of my office, children learn to trust and reveal what they are really thinking and feeling. They don’t have to worry about being punished or hurting my feelings.

They freely talk about their perceptions of not being good enough to live up to the expectations of their parents. Others discuss their resentment towards siblings or intense feelings of loneliness. Kids are acutely aware of marital problems, and they share the terrible anxiety of wondering if and when their parents will separate.

Adolescents typically discuss their fears about fitting in and figuring out relationships. Self-doubts overwhelm them, even if they appear well-adjusted and confident. Their outer persona rarely matches their inner life.

I’m glad that these kids feel safe to discuss such issues in therapy, but my job is to make myself unnecessary. I coach kids how to get support from others rather than to develop a dependency on a therapist.

Why are kids so afraid of being real with their parents?

My parents won’t understand. Many

Parenting with Dr. Ramey: 6 of the Best, Most Inspiring Quotes

In addition to collecting baseball cards, I started writing down favorite quotes when I was in elementary school. My mom “cleaned out” (i.e., threw away) my cards when I went to college, but I’ve continued to collect the inspirational perspectives from others.

My collection has changed over the years. I’ve deleted “feel good” quotes that didn’t make any sense. Peter Pan’s admonition that “Anything is possible if you wish hard enough” falls into that category. Here are some of my favorites.

“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” (William Ward) Our happiness is less dependent upon what happens to us, and more related to how we adjust to minor frustrations and serious traumas. Therapy is about learning how to “adjust the sails” to deal with life.
“Sometimes you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” (Dr. Seuss) Many parents feel overwhelmed by the challenges of getting through the day, and fail to appreciate the fleeting joys of family life. I encourage families, both parents and children, to take a few moments to reflect upon the many good things they experience every day.
“If you’ve done

Blast From The Past: Strategies to Make Your Christmas Less Stressful

Blast from the past 13 years Ohio Family Law Blog

Publisher’s Comment: This “Blast from the Past” comes from Psychotherapist Donna F. Ferber. She was kind enough to share this article with us 8 years ago. Excellent advice then and now from Donna!

If this is your first Christmas since the separation and divorce, the anticipation can fill you with sadness and trepidation. Here are some solid, easy tips to help make the holidays less painful and hopefully, maybe, even (surprisingly!) enjoyable!

Let go of traditions that no longer work for you. This is an opportunity to re-invent your holidays. Keep the traditions that you enjoy and get rid of the ones that you don’t. No one expects you to be on your best behavior during this time, so you can probably pull it off without anyone getting too upset.

Stick to your regular routine as closely as possible. Sleep, exercise, eat well and don’t skip those therapy appointments.

Don’t use money, alcohol, food, or sex to deal with pain and sadness. These indulgences will leave you poor, hung over, fat, and guilty on December 26th.

Don’t be afraid to do something different. Go away or stay home, but take a risk to use the holidays to try something … Read More... “Blast From The Past: Strategies to Make Your Christmas Less Stressful”

Helping Kids Without Therapy

One of six children has a mental health disorder, but most of these kids don’t receive professional help for their problems. The reasons include parental ignorance, apathy, finances, or simply feeling bewildered by a complex mental health system.

Some of our neediest kids live in families with some of our neediest parents. Most are loving parents who are too overwhelmed trying to get through the day. Taking their child to weekly therapy appointments and making a myriad of changes is simply beyond what they can accomplish.

If you can’t get involved with a mental health professional, try one of these suggestions.

Make certain your child is getting enough sleep. Many of our kids are sleep-deprived. They may live in chaotic homes without a regular bedtime routine. Sleep deprivation has a big impact on kids’ behaviors. Your child may not have a behavior disorder, but rather a sleep problem.
Be clear about your rules and expectations. Kids have a hard time adjusting to expectations that are ambiguous and often change. Decide on a few things that matter. Be clear and specific about those rules, and make certain your child can say them back to you.
Be consistent in your consequences. Your

Dealing with the Holidays if You Are in Divorce Transition…

college girl sitting on leaves in yard with hands raised

PUBLISHER’S NOTE Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC is a psychotherapist in private practice for 30 years in Farmington, Connecticut. She is a licensed professional counselor, a licensed alcohol and drug abuse counselor and an educator. In her private practice, Donna specializes in issues related to life transitions. These include but are not limited to divorce, remarriage, chronic illness, loss, relocation. Donna has been a guest contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog since 2010. We have enjoyed collaborating on several articles over the years.

Every major life event, whether joyful or sad, brings on a period of transition as we adjust to the “new normal.” Even though these periods of transition occur throughout our lives, each requires us to discover a new and unique path as we struggle to move through uncharted waters. The death of a loved one, a divorce, a family estrangement, an illness, or sudden unemployment are some of the changes that shake us to our core. We are challenged in ways we could not imagine.

And in the midst of all this upheaval, the leaves are beginning to turn and the temperatures drop. So, we pack away our sandals and shorts and find ourselves dealing with … Read More... “Dealing with the Holidays if You Are in Divorce Transition…”

4 Ways to Identify a Lonely Child

Why is loneliness hard to diagnose in kids?

Twelve-year-old Josh and his mom had accomplished a lot during seven sessions of therapy. He was getting along better with his little sister, and his interactions with his mom were more positive.

It wasn’t until I discussed terminating therapy that Josh finally told me how lonely he felt, which had never come up during our meetings.

While Josh had many acquaintances, he didn’t have any close friends. While superficially pleasant and outgoing, he was fearful of saying what he really felt and thought. If people knew the real Josh, he felt he would be ridiculed and rejected. He was living a dual life. His external behavior was ordinary and acceptable. His inner world was solitary and disengaged.

He cried in my office for about 10 minutes, and then profusely apologized for using so many tissues. He quickly retreated to his pretend world and reassured me that he was doing fine.

Loneliness is hard to diagnose in kids, and often can be mistaken for other conditions.

Loneliness is not depression. Kids who are depressed generally have little energy and experience no enjoyment in most activities. Loneliness is also different from being introspective … Read More... “4 Ways to Identify a Lonely Child”

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