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Blast From The Past: Strategies to Make Your Christmas Less Stressful

Blast from the past 13 years Ohio Family Law Blog

Publisher’s Comment: This “Blast from the Past” comes from Psychotherapist Donna F. Ferber. She was kind enough to share this article with us 8 years ago. Excellent advice then and now from Donna!

If this is your first Christmas since the separation and divorce, the anticipation can fill you with sadness and trepidation. Here are some solid, easy tips to help make the holidays less painful and hopefully, maybe, even (surprisingly!) enjoyable!

Let go of traditions that no longer work for you. This is an opportunity to re-invent your holidays. Keep the traditions that you enjoy and get rid of the ones that you don’t. No one expects you to be on your best behavior during this time, so you can probably pull it off without anyone getting too upset.

Stick to your regular routine as closely as possible. Sleep, exercise, eat well and don’t skip those therapy appointments.

Don’t use money, alcohol, food, or sex to deal with pain and sadness. These indulgences will leave you poor, hung over, fat, and guilty on December 26th.

Don’t be afraid to do something different. Go away or stay home, but take a risk to use the holidays to try something … Read More... “Blast From The Past: Strategies to Make Your Christmas Less Stressful”

Dealing with the Holidays if You Are in Divorce Transition…

college girl sitting on leaves in yard with hands raised

PUBLISHER’S NOTE Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC is a psychotherapist in private practice for 30 years in Farmington, Connecticut. She is a licensed professional counselor, a licensed alcohol and drug abuse counselor and an educator. In her private practice, Donna specializes in issues related to life transitions. These include but are not limited to divorce, remarriage, chronic illness, loss, relocation. Donna has been a guest contributor to the Ohio Family Law Blog since 2010. We have enjoyed collaborating on several articles over the years.

Every major life event, whether joyful or sad, brings on a period of transition as we adjust to the “new normal.” Even though these periods of transition occur throughout our lives, each requires us to discover a new and unique path as we struggle to move through uncharted waters. The death of a loved one, a divorce, a family estrangement, an illness, or sudden unemployment are some of the changes that shake us to our core. We are challenged in ways we could not imagine.

And in the midst of all this upheaval, the leaves are beginning to turn and the temperatures drop. So, we pack away our sandals and shorts and find ourselves dealing with … Read More... “Dealing with the Holidays if You Are in Divorce Transition…”

Holiday Parenting Time Post-Decree Divorce

holiday parenting time divorce Most intact families have established holiday traditions for their family. After a divorce, this may all change. The courts generally have established standard orders for parenting time that many people have adopted. Each varies county by county. However, those orders can be modified by agreement. The standard order is basically a default arrangement utilized when parents have difficulty agreeing with one another. It is NOT intended to be the ‘perfect” parenting order in all cases.

What Does A Holiday Parenting Time Standard Order Look Like In Montgomery County, Ohio Divorce Court?

Under the standard order in divorce court, holiday parenting time in Montgomery County, Ohio looks like this:

HOLIDAYS:

The non-residential parent shall have the children on the holidays in Column 1 in odd-numbered years and the holidays in Column 2 in the even-numbered years. The residential parent shall have the children on the holidays in Column 1 in even-numbered years and the holidays in Column 2 in odd-numbered years.

Column 1	Column 2
Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

Take the ‘Gimme’ out of Christmas!

PUBLISHERS NOTE: ‘Tis the season for me to at least think about writing a new blog article for the holidays. I have been publishing the Ohio Family Law Blog for 9 years now, so I decided to go back into the archives and read some of my past posts about the holidays. This one from December 11, 2010, caught my attention. The traditions mentioned in it have continued in our family. The post stands the test of time (at least in my mind). So, here it is once more!

I haven’t written an article about the holiday season for the Ohio Family Law Blog for a couple of years. At that time, I mentioned that this is certainly an appropriate time to reflect upon core values as well as memories of past Christmas celebrations and traditions.

In our family, we were very involved with a Christmas project providing gifts for needy children for many years while our sons were growing up. As a family, we spent countless hours working at the Center. We have tried to instill upon our family the importance of sharing and helping others. It is too easy this time of year to become consumed by all … Read More... “Take the ‘Gimme’ out of Christmas!”

Fighting Winter Despair

winter despair Here we are in the post-holiday pall. While the holidays are difficult for those who have experienced a loss of any kind, they are stressful to some degree for all of us. We eat too much, drink too much, spend too much and in many cases have “too much” family or possibly, too little. And while there a kind of relief to having the holidays behind us, the let-down presents its’ own challenges.

Even if your holidays were great-the results of those excesses now impact fully. There is the influx of bills, the shorter days, the extra pounds accumulated from the holiday goodies, the clean-up and putting away of holiday décor and the return to routine. In the Northeast, these changes are accompanied by inclement weather – the dropping temperatures, the snow and the ice. Plus, cold and flu season grips us.

Some folks anticipate this January “crash” and plan a trip to warmer climates. “Snow birds” say “so long” to their children and grandchildren and retreat in droves to warmers climates. College students plan for spring break and say “so long” to their parents.

For those not traveling or of snow bird status, January heralds the beginning of the … Read More... “Fighting Winter Despair”

Child Abuse Increases During Holiday Season – But You Can Help!

For Victims Of Child Abuse The Holidays Can Be The Worst

child abuse holidays Around this time of year, it is impossible to go anywhere without hearing or seeing something reminding us to “give thanks” and to get into the “holiday” spirit. However, as the joy and excitement of the season spreads, so does the stress and anxiety that goes along with it. While it may seem strange to those of us who believe this is the “most wonderful time of the year,” for the victims of child abuse, it can actually be the worst.

With the stress of putting aside money for holiday meals and gifts, the additional events and expenses looming, coupled with children being home from school for an extended period of time, parents are often susceptible to losing control in an attempt to deal with the situation. During the holidays, emotions run high and tempers flare. As a result, these parents or caregivers often take their frustration out on their children rather than dealing with their anger in an appropriate manner.

Organizations nation-wide often report an increase in child abuse during the holiday season. For example, the organization Prevent Child Abuse Tennessee states that every year during the … Read More... “Child Abuse Increases During Holiday Season – But You Can Help!”

Thanksgiving: What Happens When College Students Return Home For The Holidays?

Parents and College Students Can Find Ways to Peacefully Coexist During Thanksgiving and the Holidays!

thanksgiving college students Call it a clash of cultures. Thousands of college students will soon travel home for Thanksgiving, in their minds, returning as independent adults, but still children in the eyes of their parents, says Scott Hall, a family studies professor at Ball State.

“When college students return home for their first Thanksgiving after having been away at school, they might feel like they are caught between two worlds: echoes of childhood dependency, and nearby adult-like independence,” Hall says. “It is easy to feel the tugs of long-established patterns of home life once stepping back into the family system only recently left behind. Such patterns (to the college students) suddenly feel threatening to the ‘new me’ that has been emerging at school.”

He says parents might similarly feel stuck between two worlds: the long-established guardian role versus the recently evolving, remote support staff.

It is tempting to expect what they have always expected or demanded of their child when he or she is back at home. But this may not sit well with the emerging adult who perceives a lessening ‘need’ for parents, Hall says.

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