Parenting Issues Archives - Page 3 of 10

Should You Divorce Your Own Children?

parent child divorce For most parents, raising children is one of the most important and meaningful parts of their lives. In response to our unconditional love and total commitment, we get hugs, laughter, challenges and a sense of purpose and passion.

However, for a very small number of parents, children are a burden to be tolerated rather than a blessing to be experienced. These youngsters typically have a variety of severe emotional and behavior problems, usually beginning in preschool. Parents have usually sought help from a myriad of professionals over many years, with little success. They eventually discover the uncomfortable truth that despite our best efforts, there are some children that professionals don’t know how to help.

In a moment of terrifying honesty, these parents tell me they feel more loathing than love for their child.

Early in my career, I dismissed such feelings as reflective of ineffective parents. All would be fine if only parents would set clear rules, be consistent in their discipline, and adjust their style to meet the special needs of their children.

I was wrong. I’ve learned over the years that good parents can raise bad kids.

I’ve now changed my approach in working with these families. While … Read More... “Should You Divorce Your Own Children?”

Why You Should Think Twice Before Posting A Photo of Your Child

post photo child We often agonize about the technology expectations we have for our kids, but what rules do our children want for us?

When kids between the ages of 10 to 17 were asked that question, their highest priority was that we “be present” when we are with them. Children wanted a rule that there would be “no technology at all in a certain social contact: Pay attention/put down the phone when your child is trying to tell you something important,” according to research just published by Alexis Hinker and associates.

The second most important rule from our kids was that we “Don’t post anything about me without asking me.” “Twice as many children as parents expressed concerns about family members oversharing personal information about them on Facebook and other social media without permission,” said co-author Sarita Schoenebeck.

Do children have a right to privacy?

A California law went into effect in 2015 gives minors an electronic eraser button. They can delete any post made in social media, and sites like Facebook must clearly inform kids how that can be done. However, this only applies to what is posted by kids, not what adults post about their children.

Should you seek your … Read More... “Why You Should Think Twice Before Posting A Photo of Your Child”

Divorce Research Shows Children Suffer No Real, Long-Term Effects of Divorce

Important Steps Parents Can Take To Minimize Negative Side-Effects Of Divorce For Their Children

divorce Divorce can be earth-shattering for everyone, but arguably no one suffers more than the children involved. That being said, while divorce has proven to have devastating impact on these young people at the time, some research now suggests that these children do not experience long-term side-effects.

In an article in Scientific American Mind, authors Hal Arkowitz and Scott O. Lilienfeld acknowledge that while divorce is often extremely trying for children, studies show that as these children become adults, few experience lasting, serious effects.

While the divorce is occurring, and even in the period following, it is typical for kids to experience anxiety, anger, depression, shock, etc. However, Arkowitz and Lilienfeld argue that all of these negative effects are short-lived. In support of this, they point to a study conducted by sociologist, Paul R. Amato. Amato’s research followed kids whose parents divorced during childhood, into their adolescence and teenage years. He then compared those children to others whose family remained intact. The results showed that there were relatively few differences between the two groups of children. Ultimately, those with divorced parents typically recovered quickly and handled … Read More... “Divorce Research Shows Children Suffer No Real, Long-Term Effects of Divorce”

5 Things You Should Never Say in Front of Your Kids

dissolution divorce Arguing in front of your kids can be healthy. Your children know that there are times when conflicts occur in any relationship. When tensions exist, telling your spouse that “we’ll talk about this later in private” may evoke more anxiety than relief with kids.

Children pay close attention to how their parents argue. This is an opportunity to demonstrate how disagreements can be discussed without being disagreeable. This is when kids learn about how to listen empathetically, reflect another’s point of view, search for compromises and respect different perspectives.

Regardless of the age of your child, avoid saying any of the following in front of your kids.

“I hate being married to you.” This creates all kinds of unease in kids, whose lives depend upon your caring and commitment. The thought that parents may separate causes children to worry about school, friendships, activities and losing one of their parents.
“Sometimes I wish I was dead.” This type of emotional outburst has an even greater effect than divorce, as it can stimulate anxiety about a permanent and traumatic loss for kids. Even the thought that a parent may intentionally kill themselves causes horrendous distress in kids. If you are permanently gone,

7 Ways to Connect with Your Child

child connect Having an amazing relationship with your child is the foundation for everything we want to accomplish as parents. Here’s how to make that happen.

Be real. Great relationships are built upon honesty, caring, and communication. Be genuine with your child. Never say one thing when you mean another. Accept the reality that sometimes the truth may hurt. The uneasiness caused by honesty is better than the comfort resulting from deceit.
Show interest. The way kids know that we care about them is when we show interest in their activities, thoughts and feelings. Solicit their opinions, but avoid questions that can be answered by a simple yes or no. Try beginning sentences with “what,” or “how.” Don’t barrage your child with questions. They will feel interrogated and tune out.
Share information about yourself. Your goal is to build a relationship, not get into your child’s head. Conversations are a mutual sharing of ideas and feelings. This doesn’t mean a fifteen-minute lecture about the hardships you experienced as a child. Keep your comments brief, and respond to what’s of interest to your child.This will be uncomfortable at times. How do we handle personal questions about misdeeds, sexual activity, or drug use? Declining

To Spy or Not to Spy on your Child’s Internet Use

parent sterilization child Should parents secretly monitor their child’s text messages, phone calls and social media activities in order to keep them safe?

That’s a dilemma confronted by parents as they try to balance safety with honoring their child’s privacy and independence.

A recent Pew Research Center survey of parents of 13- to 17-year-olds found that 61 percent of parents check the websites visited by their teens, 48 percent review phone call records or text messages and 56 percent follow their kids on social media. It’s unclear whether such supervision was done covertly or with the knowledge of their teen.

Apps such as TeenSafe allow parents to secretly monitor their children’s text messages, phone calls, browsing history and Instagram posts.

Those in favor of such spying make a strong argument. Safety trumps privacy. The dangers of the digital world are too overwhelming for most teens to navigate without parental guidance.

The margin for error is small. A sexually explicit photo sent impulsively can have lifelong consequences for a child. Parents have an obligation to help their kids become responsible digital citizens. They can only do so if they know what their kids are doing.

Just as we wouldn’t give our teen permission to … Read More... “To Spy or Not to Spy on your Child’s Internet Use”

Parent Issues: Can a Parent Force the Sterilization of Their Minor Child?

Should A Parent Have The Power To Force Sterilization Of Their Developmentally Disabled Child?

parent sterilization child As individuals we have certain inalienable rights, granted to us by the Constitution. The right to own a gun, the right to vote, the right of free speech . . . the list goes on and on. Among those rights that we as U.S. citizens enjoy, is the right to parent as we see fit (subject to certain exceptions, of course). Parents are generally allowed to make important decisions on behalf of their minor children. Examples include, what type of food the child eats (vegan, gluten free, organic, etc.), what type of school the child will attend (public school, private school or home-school) and whether or not the child will be vaccinated. In addition, parents are charged with deciding how to discipline their children and what organized religion, if any, they will be raised in. Whether or not parents realize it, the decisions they make today will affect their children for the rest of their lives.

But what if parents DID realize that a choice they were making was going to have an enormous effect on their child’s life? What if a choice they made essentially … Read More... “Parent Issues: Can a Parent Force the Sterilization of Their Minor Child?”

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