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Do Any of These 10 Regrets by Parents Apply to You?

parents regrets

Some people live their lives looking at the rear-view mirror, regretting the past rather than enjoying the present or anticipating the future.

Here are the most frequently mentioned regrets I’ve heard from parents in my office:

Spent too little time with the kids. Overwhelmed with meeting the expectations of so many people, some parents never just enjoy their children. Relax and appreciate today.
Spent too much time with the kids. At the other extreme, overprotective parents who are consumed with their children’s lives realize they have neglected themselves, their spouse, and other important relationships. Kids are important, but don’t let them control your life.
Treated all of the children equally. Parents of multiple children often realize too late that it makes more sense to treat each youngster according to their needs, not what was done with other siblings. Don’t try to justify your actions with your other children. You know what’s best for them, and that is all you need to say.
Focused on silly things. What’s really important to you? Being a great parent is all about doing those things that foster a superb relationship with your child. It’s about trust, communication, and respect. When you focus

Let Children Learn How to Deal with Divorce and Other Life Problems

children lifes problems Bad experiences in early childhood have a significant impact on kids during adolescence, according to recent research published by Child Trends. Investigators found that 48 percent of our kids experienced a serious negative event during childhood, with 11 percent of our kids having to deal with three or more severe situations.

The most common negative events were serious economic hardships (26 percent of kids), divorced or separated parents (20 percent), and living in families with serious problems with alcohol (11 percent), violence (9 percent) or mental illness (9 percent).

Youngsters who have had to deal with three or more adverse childhood experiences were much more likely to exhibit school problems, learning disabilities, behavior problems, and physical health issues.

It would be great if kids didn’t have to deal with stuff like divorce, domestic violence, or mental illness. We realistically have to prepare our kids to deal with life’s problems, whether they are minor nuisances or serious traumas.

This means raising kids who are resilient, and have the skills to persist and succeed even when confronted by setbacks and traumas. Here’s what you can do.

Be a great role model. Kids learn from watching us. When problems arise, do you whine

School Year Preparations For Child And Parent

How To Prepare For A Successful School Experience – 10 Practical Back To School Tips for Parent And Child Transitioning Into A Separation or Divorce

school child parent School is right around the corner for many children and their parents. This time of the year, while always somewhat stressful for children, can bring even more anxious unknowns for a child when their parents are separated. Regardless of your relationship with your former spouse there are some steps you can take to ensure your children, and their teachers are prepared for the coming year.

The first thing to remember is even if you’re not on good terms with your spouse, you must respect them as a mother and a father. Being able to set aside marital differences to ensure your child has a smooth and educational start to the school year is essential as a parent. Below are some steps that every parent should take, regardless of your relationship with each other.

Communication: Make sure you’re communicating about school work, grades, extracurricular activities and other school events with your spouse. Work out a parenting schedule. Make sure both of you know what’s on the horizon, what assignments are assigned, and when they’re due.

Fine Art of Listening So Kids Will Talk

listening kids talk Communicating with your kids is all about talking in a way that they will listen, but also listening in a way that they will talk.

Listening isn’t easy, as many parents ignore the Law of Moderation, either talking too much or not saying enough in response to their kids’ comments. If you say nothing, youngsters don’t know if you really understood them. If you respond too aggressively, kids feel like you may be dismissing their concerns. Here are the five keys to effective listening.

Give your full attention. Conversations with kids often seem to happen at inconvenient times, such as when you just get home from work or are busy with doing something else. Postpone what you are doing and listen to your child, without the distractions of television or your smart phone.
Ask lots of questions. Many youngsters aren’t sophisticated in clearly articulating their thoughts and feelings. Their words may be imprecise or extreme. Instead of getting upset, ask open-ended questions such as, “Can you tell me more about that?” “How are you thinking about handling this?” or “What happened then?”A statement such as “Don’t you think you could have made a better decision?” isn’t a question but a

Parents Behavior During Divorce Can Often Lead To Child Favoritism

Behavior Dangers: Poll Reveals Financial Or Marital Stress Can Affect Parents Behavior Toward Their Child

parents behavior child children A recent 60 minutes “vanity fair poll” discussed numerous situations in which parents discussed their feelings, and opinions regarding their children. The poll consisted of calling 1,000 adults nationwide and polling their opinion.

Some of the results were obvious, for example 90% of the parents polled stated that of all their children, they did not maintain a favorite, and all were equal in their eyes. An article in Psychology Today discussed the dangers of not treating your children equal. Stating often, a child personality and behavior play a large role in favoritism, in that parents often pick their “best” child. This is also significant because once a child maintains the “favorite” role; this attention can mold their personality and behavior.

Another point the article makes is how stress, often financial or marital, can affect the way individuals approach their children, often creating a favorite, and reducing the ability to either mend a relationship or to show your true affection.

Another topic the poll considered was the “behavior blamed on parents” question, asking which behavior can most likely be blamed on … Read More... “Parents Behavior During Divorce Can Often Lead To Child Favoritism”

Parents: Balance Advice With What Works For You

How Parents Can Balance Own Perspective And Professional Advice When Raising Their Children

parents children When it comes to raising your children, how do you balance your own perspective with those professionals who have specialized knowledge and training?

A mom once asked me if it was wrong for her 11-year-old daughter to sleep in the same bed with her and her husband. I immediately began thinking about a variety of reasons about why that arrangement was undesirable. This mom was rather convincing that my concerns did not apply to her family. What may be true for most, she carefully explained, just didn’t apply to her situation.

A few days after his 2-year-old son was viciously beaten and killed, NFL star Adrian Peterson said he was “ready to roll” and played football for the Minnesota Vikings. His behavior defied the conventional wisdom that it was critical to suspend normal activities to work through the grieving process. Was Peterson the role model of resiliency, or an example of a selfish athlete who put his professional aspirations ahead of his family responsibilities and personal mental health?

The mom of a high school freshman works with her daughter three hours every night on homework to … Read More... “Parents: Balance Advice With What Works For You”

Parenting Conflicts Over Child Raising Goals?

This is the companion article to Dr. Ramey’s article we posted on June 1, 2013, titled “Are Child Raising Strategies Causing Conflict in Your Marriage?” You might want to read them together!

child raising goals Jason’s dad loved sports as a youngster, and he encouraged athletic participation from the time his son was a toddler. This caused tremendous conflict between the parents as Jason’s mom felt her son’s interests were only intended to gain his dad’s approval.

Anna’s mom was fascinated by the reality-TV program “Toddlers and Tiaras” and began enrolling her 5-year-old daughter in local beauty pageants, which dad felt were primarily attended by “sexual perverts.” After two events, he told his wife that their marriage was in serious jeopardy if she ever brought their daughter to another pageant.

These are tough issues to resolve in a marriage because the disagreements are about goals, not strategies. When parents agree on the outcome (e.g., decrease temper tantrums), it’s easy for most parents to compromise and consistently try one strategy for several weeks. Keep careful records, and change the approach if the problem continues.

There’s no quick way to resolve arguments about goals. Is it a worthwhile activity for Jason to play basketball or … Read More... “Parenting Conflicts Over Child Raising Goals?”

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