A Good Divorce Therapist is Critical to Your Emotional Health!

goodtherapist.jpgFor most people going through a divorce, there is no substitute for having a neutral professional by their side who is trained to listen and discuss the emotional issues relevant to a divorce.  The emotions many encounter are similar to dealing with a death or loss of a loved one.  Therapists may refer to the stages of emotion by differing names, but they are: shock, denial, anger, sadness, and finally, acceptance.

In my practice I discuss counseling with virtually every new divorce client I meet.  Many clients going through a divorce feel like their life has been completely turned upside down.  Even if the individual has some sort of a “support network”, this is usually not an adequate substitute for having a good therapist. Most friends or family members are not trained or equipped to provide objective professional guidance and steady you through the divorce process, which often can turn into a very long marathon.

I have seen over the years how important it can be to work collaboratively with a divorce client’s therapist.  The therapist is not trained in the law, and I am not trained in psychology. We each have distinctly different roles. A good therapist can help … Read More... “A Good Divorce Therapist is Critical to Your Emotional Health!”

The Untimely and Unexpected Death of Chris Henry…Questions About the Consequences for His Survivors

chery.jpgFans of football in general, but more particularly fans of the West Virginia University Mountaineers and the Cincinnati Bengals, mourn the untimely loss of Chris Henry on December 17, 2009.  He was just twenty-six (26) years of age.  Henry had a stellar career as a wide receiver at West Virginia University and was drafted by the Cincinnati Bengals in the third (3rd) round of the 2005 draft.  He had some notable off-the-field problems and at least five (5) legal-related incidents but was seemingly back on track with both his football career and life when he sustained an injury to his forearm in mid-season of 2009.  During the Cincinnati-Baltimore game, Chris sustained a fracture to his left forearm and was thereafter placed on the “injured reserve” list.

On the evening of Wednesday, December 16, 2009, there was an incident described as a “domestic dispute” involving Henry and his fiancé, Loleini Tonga. Reports say that Ms. Tonga was attempting to leave a residence in North Carolina when Henry jumped into the bed of the pick-up truck she was driving.  Henry was later thrown from the bed of the truck.  He sustained massive head injuries and died the next morning.

Many legal … Read More... “The Untimely and Unexpected Death of Chris Henry…Questions About the Consequences for His Survivors”

Helpful Books For Children Going Through Divorce And Loss

books_ramey.jpgHow do you talk with kids about divorce, depression or death? Many parents have no idea how to even begin such a conversation about serious topics with their children.

Honest and insightful communication is as difficult for kids as it is for most of us. Parents’ questions are often viewed as interrogation, met by silence, “I dunno” or a single word response. Speaking with younger children presents even more challenges. Younger kids have intense feelings and complex thoughts, but just don’t have the vocabulary to translate ideas into words. How can we gain entry into our children’s inner lives and encourage the expression of what they really think and feel?

Children’s books provide a tremendous opportunity to promote such communication.

These are not the same books that many of us read as youngsters. Contemporary children’s literature better reflects the reality and range of issues confronted by many kids. There are books that deal with intense topics of abuse, divorce and death. However, more routine issues such as friendship, forgiveness, fears, nail biting, bedwetting, ADHD, anger and depression are also common themes in many books.

I’ve used stories in working with many kids in therapy. Books give kids a sense that … Read More... “Helpful Books For Children Going Through Divorce And Loss”

Father’s Day Reflections, Including Freud and Tongue Biting

Father’s Day can be an extremely difficult one for many children. Unfortunately, thousands of children will not be with their father this Father’s Day due to many factors including divorce, death or service in the armed forces. As a result, many children don’t have the opportunity for a traditional Father’s Day.

I’d like to offer some thoughts about the importance of this day from the perspective of both a father and a practicing divorce lawyer for 30 years:

  1. Take the High Road. If it’s within your power to help a child spend some time or even talk with his or her father on Father’s Day, take the high road and make a special effort to make it happen. Across the country, thousands of children and fathers don’t have the opportunity to share their feelings with each other.
  2. Are You Too Busy to See Your Children? If you happen to be a father who lives with, or has access, to your children, realize how blessed you are to have children and don’t waste the opportunity to tell them how much you love them and how important they are to you! Thousands of fathers without such an opportunity would envy being in
… Read More... “Father’s Day Reflections, Including Freud and Tongue Biting”