mental health Archives - Page 7 of 9

A Commentary: Nurturing Children After Divorce

Considering a multitude of differing perspectives and insights helps me to better hone my skills as a divorce lawyer. What I see and hear every day is rarely black or white, but a rainbow of shades of gray. One way of broadening my viewpoint is to read all sorts of blogs each week, an activity which I totally enjoy! Consistently, one of my favorites is Michael Mastracci’s Divorce Without Dishonor Blog. Mike is an excellent attorney from Baltimore, Maryland. His own difficult and acrimonious divorce and child custody battle led to his personal interest in collaborative family law. Attorneys and clients both should include his blog on their frequent read list. Mike regularly espouses ethical, moral and philosophical standards that we should aspire to meet. I have personally and professionally been a proponent of child welfare issues for over 30 years. So, when I read his recent post about “What We Are Teaching Our Children of Separation and Divorce,” I had to ask Mike if I could have his permission to republish it. He kindly agreed. Here it is:

“What We Are Teaching Our Children of Separation and Divorce”

I stumbled upon a quote, while reading some other blogs that … Read More... “A Commentary: Nurturing Children After Divorce”

10 Tips To Cut Your Attorney Fees

I would like to share some constructive fee-cutting suggestions for you to consider implementing after you have done your “due diligence” in selecting the right attorney for you and your issues. Many of the cases I have handled over the last 30 years are family law matters which are engagements typically based upon the number of hours spent in the representation. The amount of time to complete these cases varies based upon many factors, including the nature of the issues, contentiousness of the parties, and the cooperation level existing between both counsel. Recently, I have been asked by several clients what they can do to help reduce their attorney fees. Certainly, this is an excellent question especially with money being so tight and all of us having to deal with our poor economy. Each attorney would no doubt answer this question differently. So, be sure to ask your attorney about his or her own particular preferences. Here are some of my simple tips to reduce your attorney fees:

Use email instead of the phone. Email communications are an excellent way to keep your attorney advised as to ongoing developments. But, realize that many attorneys receive hundreds of emails in a

Children’s Extracurricular Activities Appropriate Or Excessive?

This is the first of a two-part series dealing with children’s extracurricular activities. Next week, I will address the impact the divorce may take on a child’s extracurricular activity schedule when the parents have conflicts with each other.

There is no doubt that extracurricular activities can be very beneficial to a child. According to a recent study by the Nellie Mae Education Foundation, children who participate in after-school programs are more engaged and have a better attitude about learning, perform better academically and enjoy an increased sense of accomplishment, competence and self-esteem. Additionally, participation also lowers children’s risk of becoming depressed, using drugs and alcohol, and experiencing other behavioral problems.

Recently, while researching this topic, I came across an excellent article about how to choose after-school activity(ies) for children at www.scholastic.com. It also gives a breakdown discussing appropriate types and numbers of activities per week which are recommended based on the age and maturity of the child starting with kindergarten through middle school. The article offers advice which will help a parent determine if it is time for their child to start an extracurricular activity, what’s the best option and how to find a good program.

Recently, Gregory Ramey, … Read More... “Children’s Extracurricular Activities Appropriate Or Excessive?”

Did Your Ex-Spouse Take the Easter Baskets? Resurrection After the Crucifixion of Divorce…

Holidays for those that have become divorced can be very difficult times. Easter is no exception. Have old memories of good times and happiness morphed into feelings of anger, regret and pain? We all know that Easter, in its most religious meaning, is the celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Some European countries stop the daily ringing of the church bell on Thursday in memoriam of the death of Jesus Christ. The daily tradition begins once again the early morning hours of Easter Sunday in commemoration of the resurrection. Devout Christians in America celebrate Easter in the spiritual manner, as do devout Christians all over the world.

But regardless of your religious beliefs, from a practical standpoint, Easter is about forgiveness, life, and in a sense, everlasting life. For those of us, however, who think about Easter in terms of the Easter Bunny, coloring eggs, surviving sugar-crazed kids, or spring break, Easter can still be a time of reflection and resurrection. If you feel that you have not been able to transition well from your divorce and are stuck in a negative emotional “time warp”, isn’t it time to commit to making a positive change? Or, in a sense, … Read More... “Did Your Ex-Spouse Take the Easter Baskets? Resurrection After the Crucifixion of Divorce…”

Mom Loses Custody For Alienating Children From Their Father For Over A Decade

An Ontario, Canada, Superior Court Judge issued a thorough well-reasoned but very unusual decision on January 16, 2009, changing custody of three (3) girls, ages 15, 11 and 9, from their primary caregiving mother to the father based upon evidence of a long pattern of parental alienation. In fact, Mother had denied Father, a vascular surgeon, any contact with the girls for about two (2) years before these proceedings.

Judge Faye McWatt not only changed custody to the father, but denied Mother any contact with the girls for at least 90 days. The Court concluded that Mother had conducted a “consistent and overwhelming campaign for more than a decade to alienate the children from their father”.

The Court was impressed with the testimony from Dr. Barbara Fidler, an expert in the field of parental alienation. The Court, in its decision, stated:

Dr. Fidler testified that children are more susceptible to alienation in certain age ranges. She explained that from 5 to 8 years of age, children can have shifting allegiances to parents. Once a child’s brain develops to a point where the child can hold both positive and negative information about a parent, though, children can become confused. They begin … Read More... “Mom Loses Custody For Alienating Children From Their Father For Over A Decade”

Three Things You Can Do To Eliminate Stress

While not directly discussing families or individuals involved in a divorce, Dr. Ramey’s wise suggestions in this article, are equally applicable in the family law context.

I spent part of my holiday vacation watching 10 hours of “Band of Brothers,” the HBO mini-series based on the experiences of the 506th parachute infantry regiment in World War II. Each program was preceded by interviews with the actual soldiers upon whom the story was based. These men spoke eloquently of their dedication to the cause of freedom and to each other.

One word was remarkably absent from their discussions. I never heard any of the soldiers complain about stress while daily confronting horrendous destruction and the death of 50-70 million people.

When I returned to work later in the week, I met with a high school junior who was having stomach aches and problems sleeping. “I just feel overwhelmed right now,” he remarked. “The stress is unbearable. I need to get into a good college and everything depends on the grades I get in the next few weeks. My mom and dad have no understanding of the stress I’m feeling. I don’t know if I can handle it.”

I had a hard … Read More... “Three Things You Can Do To Eliminate Stress”

Feeling Guilty About Your Divorce?

No doubt, guilt is a big issue for many people going through a divorce. I came across an interesting article on the subject at Divorce Transitions. The author has opined that there are two separate stages:

Shock

We tend to think of “shock” as being sudden. But the dictionary tells us it can be “a disturbance in the equilibrium or permanence of something” or “a sudden or violent mental or emotional disturbance.” Therapists confirm that shock need not have the suddenness of a lightning bolt. You may have known for some time that your marriage was in trouble, but the final realization of the loss may still create a sense of shock.

Among the most common symptoms are extreme disorientation, numbness, difficulty with short-term memory, physical distress, and/or confusion. As part of denial, the divorce-bound person may seek refuge in fantasy. “He’s going to come in the front door this evening, and everything will be just like its always been.” There’s comfort in the familiar. Denial provides a necessary buffer zone in which the unconscious prepares itself for the massive change ahead.

Guilt

Although both spouses may experience feelings of guilt, they do so at somewhat different times. The … Read More... “Feeling Guilty About Your Divorce?”

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